Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
