Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cut my penus on the lid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
