You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
