My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
