do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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