the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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