Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
