I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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