Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
