PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
