i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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