My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
