He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
