Pants 0. Shit 1.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
