OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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