that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
