highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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