Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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