I'm going to jail i love you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize