is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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