If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
