I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
