At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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