so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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