i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
