I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
and you fell through a lawn chair
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