You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
