Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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