is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
