What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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