Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
