Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize