it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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