careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
