Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
