chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
