WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
