We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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