i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
