I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
