His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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