i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
