FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
