The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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