i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if i died would you start the facebook group?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
