Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
