so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I cut my penus on the lid.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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