so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
God, I missed his penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
