She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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