what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
