currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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