Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
