I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
