The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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