just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
