My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
