Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
