Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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