I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
