turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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