I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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