I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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