The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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