Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
FUCK WHALES
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