The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
